:;____A Penciled Reality__

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct!

What? (grins sheepishly) It was a nasty test to take without a piece of paper... 80% on it was good. Considering I haven't done that style of math for a while anyway. I managed to remember how to figure out problems in brackets, etc.

And, randomly...

Your Birthdate: October 12

Being born on the 12th day of the month (3 energy) is likely to add a good bit of vitality to your life.

The energy of 3 allows you bounce back rapidly from setbacks, physical or mental.

There is a restlessness in your nature, but you seem to be able to portray an easygoing, sometimes "couldn't care less" attitude.

You have a natural ability to express yourself in public, and you always make a very good impression.

Good with words, you excel in writing, speaking, and possibly singing.

You are energetic and always a good conversationalist.

You have a keen imagination, but you tend to scatter your energies and become involved with too may superficial matters.

Your mind is practical and rational despite this tendency to jump about.

You are affectionate and loving - but very sensitive.

You are subject to rapid ups and downs.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Which amused me, oddly, because it's very accurate. I got the same result from Ariane's birthday (Oct 21th, I decided it was) Heh. But we plugged in the rest of my family, and it wasn't right at all. (Shrugs)

i hit the post button at 4:48:00 PM

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Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Sorry. I couldn't resist posting this on my blog too, even if it also made it onto Yoda Clones. (grins sheepishly) Tiana POV, horrible angst-drivel, but it served its purpose. Do not read this if you can't handle drivelish posts. (cringe) I just needed something to post.

**

I lay here, and I am alone, stone-like grass underneath my back. I am cold, bitter, I feel as if I'm going to die. But I'm not. I'm merely lost to myself. I'm not going to die, because I don't have any purpose to...

I lay here, and I am cold. I feel empty, as if something's been torn from me...

That's right... it has.

But the memory is not one I want to resurface. I just want nothingness. I want that blank wall of grayness before my eyes.

I lay here, and I want Jether. I want him to be there, to be something real when the pain resurfaces and smashes back into my mind, sending me reeling into an ocean of darkness and tears. I want something, someone to wrap my arms around, to cling to when all else goes black.

I want someone, anyone, before I drown in the memories.

Because I know they're there, once again. They tickle the back of my mind, they whisper at me that I'm just a failure as Calthye. I couldn't even save my own daughter; how then can I save an entire universe of people?

So I shut them out.

I lay here, and I close my eyes. I feel as if I'm hollow, a shell, something that's been taken and blown apart by an explosion in its core. I need someone so badly...

But I am alone. It's just me and my purple skies. My laughing, mocking skies. The ones that think they can control me, when it's merely a symbiosis relationship. We both uphold the other. Without the Calthye, the Realms go tumbling, and without the Realms, there would be no Calthye, no Watcher in the darkness.

I am cold.

Why is there never anyone when I need them the most? Why am I always left hollow when I need to feel someone's arms around me? Why am I always cold to others when I should respond and simply return their emotions?

Why was I the Calthye when I cannot even see my own emotions and understand them.

I need Jether, but he's not here. He always was here before when I needed him, but now I'm alone. I don't have anyone to hold, anything real to grasp. I love him, and yet that means nothing now. I'm still hollow, and I still feel as if I've died inside. Died, but still breathing.

Where is that difference, the differing emotions between need and want? Do I truly need to be loved to survive? Do I truly need someone to hold me to keep from screaming now?

Purple skies...

Death calls my name. Somehow, I want to answer. Perhaps I'll be able to find Alrien in that dark ending.

But I don't want to die yet. I just want to shut out the voices. I just want to shut out this lack of reality. I want to be able to close my eyes and just be held, to trust for once. I don't want to have to mumble I suppose any longer.

I fell in love once, can't I do it again? Can't I find myself in that same pit of emotions that cause me to become ignorant to the world around me, to be innocent and unknowing of the fate that's going to wrap me up in its tight embrace?

I need you... I need you so badly...

I lie here, arms wrapped around my body, trying to keep myself from being taken in by that black embrace. I don't want it to grab me yet, alone in these tears that refuse to fall.

Yet I want to die.

I'm going to die if I can't bring myself from these thoughts, if I can't swim from these tears. I'm going to drown.

I lie here, and I feel like death. I feel like a piece of my purple skies, just another blank space in the colors of reality. I have no senses, no feelings, nothing left. Nothing but a longing for something not there anymore.

I lie here, and I need Jether, if just because he's warmer than this kiss of fatality.

fin.

i hit the post button at 5:35:00 PM

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Wednesday, October 19, 2005

I'm at two complete chapters of TI, so, yes... (grins) I should have the five chapters by November, Jandalf...

Needless to say, a poem. This is a rough/short draft of Black Roses. It even has a tune in my mind. If I get bored, I'll yank it into Melody Assistant and see what I can do about that... though I doubt I could pull off the vocals. Heh.

Black Roses

In the blackness of my mind...
Black roses
Death woken
Shadows break.

Please hear me call your name...
My rose
It dies
Heart breaks.

My black rose, it dies now...
Velvet flo'r
Falls down
Now crushed.

Watched as it fell and broke...
Pedals ground
Into black
Earth swallows.

And, on a lighter (ish) note, I've been working on a series of TDE icons. I decided to post a couple of my favorites on here, though they'll be plugged into my icon journal and the icon list on here soon. Probably once I reach about 25 finished ones, though. I only have eight now. If you didn't already guess, I'm into the whole death/angst/blood on hands kick at the moment. ^_^ Whoo... angstyness!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

(though I admit it, I love them all...)

i hit the post button at 1:51:00 AM

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Saturday, October 15, 2005

I now have an icon journal. Which shall be used to post any icons that I have made which I post in the icons cut on here. Heh.

Okay, yes, I've been in a web-design mood lately. The only reason I have a blog at the moment...

And I changed the text at the typewriter thing at the bottom... (grins) It now babbles about Neo. So fun...

I suppose I should find something intellegent to post.

So, here. I was working on concept art for Handbag Jandalf (ei: anime stylized stuff I'm writing), and this is what turned out. Yes, I was having far too much fun, and yes, I was bored. :/ Done with pencil and ink and a bit of colored crayon. I decided to let the color rest and just do it on the computer later, though, which I should do tommorow...

And a potrait done in charcoal.

i hit the post button at 11:14:00 PM

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Thursday, October 13, 2005

Here, have a poem. My first perfectly balanced poem too... heh. (grins) It's based on a character, and anyone who ends up reading this should probably know who she is. Considering that should probably be just Jandalf and Anya, maybe... who knows, eh? I certainly don't... no braaaaaaaaains left...

And, since that's a possible fact... it's based on Tiana. After her daughter was killed, she found herself shutting out her ability to watch, because it let her have some relief from seeing it happen over and over again. I was bored. ^^; (no, that's not a cellphone)

Watcher's Fate

I watched my purple skies
As they flew quickly over.
I fielded hurt and lies,
Truth a six leaf clover.

No light to build a path,
No dark to break the shadows.
Only anger and bitter wrath
And escape quickly narrows.

Tears and screams clutter in,
My mind is soon in clamor.
You lose you cannot win...
Pain does lack in glamour.

The skies passed overhead
But my mind did not see.
Now broken my heart bled
For those whose souls were free.

Blinded went my mind's eye
So I no longer saw
That all I loved did cry,
The watcher had a flaw.

No longer will I see
Death forced at every hand.
Once view'd eternity,
I deny this command!

I watched my purple skies,
'Til I turned them away.
My hope slowly dies,
Don't say it'll be okay.

Under shade I sleep
No lover's touch near me.
Soon for me you will weep,
These purple skies kill me.

i hit the post button at 11:39:00 PM

1 comments

Just posting to get a post on here so I can test some junk... I'll be posting writing stuff on here.

I will have your braaaaaaaaains, human... (insane laughter, out)

i hit the post button at 3:42:00 PM

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